Dear Bishop Jenky

    I’m sure that everyone’s journey through Samuel group is different, and I can certainly attest to that. Back in September, I joined Samuel Group as a fifth-year senior in pursuit of any decision-making skills I could attain. I was applying to graduate schools and figured that joining this group couldn’t hurt. God’s plan for me this past year ended up being much larger than a simply grad school decision though. I write to you today as a two-week-old Catholic. Little did I know that this is what God had in mind from the beginning!

    I grew up Lutheran and had been attending a non-denominational church for the past couple years in college. I had been very active in my faith the past two years but never really found a church ‘home” on campus. I remember talking to a friend about this, and he brushed it off by saying that denominations don’t really mean that much. Something inside me didn’t quite agree with him, but at the time I still wasn’t sure why.

    The beginning of this school year was really nothing short of a Catholic immersion for me. I really didn’t intend it to be, but I think I was finally allowing myself to answer God’s call slowly but surely. I was part of a Koinonia retreat team in September – being the only non-Catholic was slightly intimidating but I really didn’t think much of it. I simply wanted to give back to a ministry that gave me so much (I went on my first Koinonia retreat in Fall 2002). Team members were meeting for Mass, saying rosaries together, etc, to build team relationships and pray for the retreat. I figured if I was part of the team I might as well join in on all team events, even though many of these, such as praying the rosary, were foreign to me. Someone even came up to me at one point and said, “For not being Catholic, you sure do go to Mass a lot”. I realized this was definitely true. Not only was I going to team Masses, but I realized I had this desire in my heart to attend Mass as much as possible, whether team members were going or not. Most of the time I would just sit in the back, taking everything in and wondering if I was doing all the motions right. I never usually went up to get the blessing at Communion – I’m not really sure why, but I think I just felt inadequate for not being able to receive it. However, when you came to say Mass at St. John’s, I felt that I should go up and get a blessing by you. I don’t really know what I was expecting, but when I sat back down (in the last row, of course), I started crying. They weren’t really sad tears – I was crying more out of frustration and hurt that I couldn’t receive Communion. (At the time I simply attributed this to the Catholic Church’s strict rules, but months later I would come to realize that this was simply a yearning which I didn’t yet know I had).

What all of this leads to is my second meeting at Samuel Group. After this meeting, I sat back to reflect on why I was doing this discernment group in the first place. I also thought about my involvement on the Koinonia retreat team, my joining Monsignor Swetland’s marriage class, and my overwhelming desire to become holy in a way I never had before. I remember reading the second chapter in our “What does God want?” book [guide-book for the SG program]. It was the chapter asking “”Does it encourage conversion?” Aside from thinking this was pretty funny because my decision would most certainly encourage a fairly obvious conversion, I also began to realize how much of an inner conversion this decision would encourage as well. I almost wanted to read the entire book right then, thinking it would hold the answer for me at the end, but I knew that nothing short of consistent prayer and full trust in God would bring me the truth for which I was searching.

So, I continued my journey through Samuel group the next couple of months, completely abandoning myself to God and His will for my life. As I dove deeper into my search for the truth I began to understand the urgent necessity of daily, consistent prayer in my life more than ever. I knew that God was the only one who would have the answers for me if I would simply take the time to listen. Strangely enough, as I genuinely began to let God work on my heart and draw me closer to Him, I began drawing closer and closer to the Catholic faith.

    Throughout this time I had joined RCIA and signed up for spiritual direction, both of which, in addition to Samuel Group, were revealing more of the beauty and meaning behind Catholicism. I began to see the true depth and fullness of the Church, and I was falling more and more in love with the reverence and traditions that were bringing me to a deeper relationship with Jesus. I have to admit that the first Adoration I experience at our first Samuel Group was a strange experience for me. I found it hard to believe that Jesus was really present, although I till enjoyed the hour of prayer. Fortunately, it didn’t take long for Jesus to answer my prayer of revealing His mysteries to me. My eyes were slowly opened to His sacred presence not only during Adoration, but on the altar during Mass, in the tabernacle of the Chapel and in the Confessional. My monthly encounter with Jesus during Adoration at Samuel Group became not only a real experience, but provided an opportunity for me to physically encounter Jesus since I was not yet able to receive Him in the Eucharist.

    All of this leads me to my symbolic choice for next year. I really can’t limit this choice to next year though. As a new Catholic, every choice I make for the rest of my life will be an outgrowth of the best decision I’ve ever made in joining the Catholic Church. Samuel Group not only helped lead me to this conversion, but it also has helped me establish a solid, prayerful reliance on God. Throughout the course of the year, one of my decisions also consisted of choosing a grad school. Without the deep prayer life that Samuel Group helped me establish, I never would have been able to confidently choose Washington University in St. Louis as my next destination.

Looking back on this year, I feel like I’ve figured a lot of things out. However, I know that this is only the beginning. Samuel Group has redefined what it means for me to fully rely on God, and I feel so blessed to have been part of such an amazing process. I am still discerning the rest of God’s plan for my future, and I am so excited to take what gifts I’ve been given this year and apply them to all aspects of my life. Living the truth in love is truly what I feel called to do right now, and I know that God’s grace will lead me where I am ultimately called. I extend my utmost gratitude to you for providing such a beautiful opportunity in Samuel Group and I pray it will touch the lives of many others.

Peace and love in Christ,

Molly